I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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