The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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