what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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