have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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