do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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