And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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