Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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