i think i have herpe
just one?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
