Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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