why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
