i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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