come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Randomize
