I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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