Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
