you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
