When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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