So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Swine flu is the new snow day.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
