Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
