He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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