If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
