i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
