but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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