I just cut my nipple shaving
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
