I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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