What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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