The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
