we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
