its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
