I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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