You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize