I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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