Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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