I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
