2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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