The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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