On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
