He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
