my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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