Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
