Do you still have your period?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
