apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
