So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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