he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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