maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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