just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
