Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
