I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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