Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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