things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can text with my tongue
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
