I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
