If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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