i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
