It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
