Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
