she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
