uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
