Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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