Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
