I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
