you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
