i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
