Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
