so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
