I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
