you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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