did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
