I need help removing her.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
