forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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