so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
