Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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