4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
