I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
