Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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