Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
