the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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