I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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