its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
