I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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