I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
