I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize