We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize