he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
