I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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