and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
